When Motherhood (or Mother's Day) feels hard..
For many years Mother’s Day was one of the hardest days of the year for me.
My mother died suddenly when I was just 11 and as Mother's Day came around each year I would be intensely reminded of her absence.
When I became a mother myself, the day took on a new meaning and I didn’t feel that same sense of loss. It’s now a happy day that I enjoy celebrating with my family.
But early motherhood in general for wasn’t an easy ride for me (is it for any of us?). Deeply held grief about the loss of my mother and navigating this new phase of my life without her support and guidance again brought that loss to the surface on a daily basis.
My son also didn’t sleep well (or much at all!) for the first few years and I was chronically sleep deprived.
I was fortunate to meet a fabulous local Maternal and Child Health nurse to whom I was able to admit to that as much as I adored my son, I wasn’t loving motherhood.. I was exhausted and I was experiencing lots of emotions around the loss of my Mum.
As a health practitioner myself, I knew the signs of Post Natal Depression (PND) and had felt that I wasn’t depressed, just sleep deprived and exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. And grieving the loss of my Mum all over again.
There is no time limit that can be put on grief. No time when we ‘should be over it’.
Pregnancy and motherhood with the rollercoaster of hormones and emotions can often stir deeply held emotions or grief.
There can be grief around the loss of a parent or someone else important who isn’t there to meet the new baby or to provide support, grief around one’s relationship with parents or family if it is strained or a parent is absent, grief about the birth not going to plan or grief about past miscarriages or lost babies.
Add in other potentials such as a traumatic labour or post birth complications, breastfeeding challenges, sleep deprivation and changes in relationship and family dynamics as well as the ever present back ground societal pressure to be ‘a perfect mother’ (whatever that actually is?!).
Fortunately there is now increased and growing awareness around perinatal and postnatal mental health and the different ways that it can present. Post Natal Depression and Anxiety can present differently in each person. It is estimated that around 1 in 7 women and 1 in 10 men will experience perinatal or postnatal anxiety or depression. It can also begin or linger for much longer than the first few months or year.
Admitting that you’re finding motherhood a challenge can feel hard. Many women feel that they have somehow failed if they admit that they’re struggling and that they’re not feeling like a ‘natural mother’ and so they try to soldier on. But rather than being a weakness, it actually takes strength to reach out and ask for help.
This is the time when women most need optimal nutrition and self and whilst it can’t replace counselling or other support services if they are needed, from a Naturopathic perspective there also much that can be done to support women nutritionally and holistically through motherhood.
During this time women need optimal nutrition and self care, yet it’s also the time where it can feel hardest to find the time and energy to keep it up.
I work with Mums at various stages of motherhood to support them to also be looking after themselves holistically as well as looking after everyone else!
Keeping it simple and working together to formulate a manageable plan which will be supportive physically, mentally and emotionally allows an overwhelmed or tired, stressed Mum to begin to find her center again.
There are also many nutritional and herbal options which can safely be taken during breastfeeding either as an alternative to pharmaceutical anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications or along side them to provide additional support.
Regardless of what stage of motherhood you're at, as Mums we really need to prioritise our own health and wellbeing and put ourselves a little higher on the ‘to-do’ list.
Sometimes the first step is admitting that we’re finding motherhood challenging and that we need some support so that we can be physically, mentally and emotionally at our best as we do all that we need to do.
If you know that you're not feeling as good as you know you could be or you're not enjoying motherhood as much as you want to lets to work together to create a sustainable plan tailored to you to help you reduce stress and overwhelm and to build you up to increase your energy and help you find your center again, you can book an appointment here to get started! https://blossomwellbeing.as.me/
Support Services for Perinatal Anxiety and Depression:
https://www.sjog.org.au/our-services/community-and-youth-services/st-john-of-god-raphael-services/services
www.healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au
http://www.panda.org.au/
http://www.antenatalandpostnatalpsychology.com.au/
http://cope.org.au/health-professionals-3/perinatal-mental-health-disorders/calculating-score-epds/
