My son has a fill-in teacher. For most kids, this can be a little unsettling. For kids on the autism spectrum, it can be totally de-stabilising.
My son has Asperger’s Syndrome (High Functioning Autism). He is super smart and talented, but gets anxious and easily overwhelmed and when this happens he has trouble controlling his emotions.
When school is particularly stressful, that stress spills over once he gets home and I tend to go in to hypervigiliance to try to prevent meltdowns. It can be exhausting and stressful.
I need to use very clear language with him and pre-warn him about any upcoming plans or changes well in advance. I can only ask him to do one thing at a time and often I need to take a really deep breath and remind myself of how stressful the daily things which most of us take for granted can be for him.
Other Mums with kids on the spectrum will relate to this, the pre-empting of potential stressful situations, trying to minimise sudden changes of plan, the attempts to diffuse any potential stress triggers before they even happen..and the potential exhaustion which can easily come along with this.
I’m super mindful of the importance of prioritising my self-care and of the things that will support me as I support him. He's tends to sense when I'm stressed or tired or not emotionally present with him and that can also feel stressful to him ( the common belief that people on the spectrum don't possess empathy is simply often not accurate).
Self care or having things in place which support our health and wellbeing is really important for all of us, particularly if you’re a Mum regardless of whether you have a child on the autism spectrum or a child who with other health issues or needs.
I work with many Mums who are feeling totally depleted and burnt out. Many feel sad and sometimes guilty or ashamed that they’re not enjoying motherhood as much as they know they could. They feel like it’s a failure on their behalf. Many of them feel like they’re ‘just getting through’ running on a daily treadmill where their own health, wellbeing or needs can easily slip under the radar.
But they’ve often felt too tired to do anything about it.
Most of the Mums with kids on the autism spectrum are even more depleted.
Adrenal fatigue is common among these women. I totally get it. I've had days when my son was younger where I’ve collapsed on the floor crying through sheer exhaustion from dealing with meltdowns and high anxiety levels and from going in to ‘caretaker’ mode to try to keep everyone else from being caught up in the stress.
Many women are spending so much time in ‘caretaking’ mode that they forget to take care of themselves and this is not helpful for anyone.
Regardless of whether you’re a Mum or not or whether you have a complex family situation or children with additional needs you’re not here to just get through. You’re here to live a life which you enjoy, which fills you up and which allows you to be your best and healthiest self. You benefit from that and so do those around you!
When you’re really tired or overwhelmed it can feel hard to take those steps towards starting to address your own needs and your own health and wellbeing.
Our society rewards the mother who 'sacrifices all' for her children. It doesn’t have to be that way. Your children need the best of you. And you deserve a life that lights you up, where you’re not just getting through, but really thriving and living!
It’s often easier said than done and requires commitment because when things to get intense or stressful, as they do at times, because we often forget or tend to let those things go which will actually help us to get through the stressful time with greater balance..
Fortunately my son travels really well most of the time now so these more intense stressful times don’t happen nearly as much as they used when he was younger. But it’s reminded me of how it used to be so much of the time.
Thankfully, I have plenty of self care measures in place to support me through these more challenging times. So, this week whenever I can, I will be prioritising those things that help me stay balanced and present through the times when stress is higher, so that I can best support my son through a challenging time and not end up depleted and exhausted myself and unable to be there for anyone!
If you recognise that you’re spending a lot of time feeling chronically tired, stressed or overwhelmed and you know that you need to put yourself on the to-do list, I’d love to help you find more balance and vitality and start enjoying your family and your life so much more! Read about my 6 session package here: https://blossomwellbeing.com.au/im-so-tired/
