Is Low Libido Really Just An Inevitable Part of Motherhood or 'Peri-Menopause'?
Low libido is a common complaint for many women.
Often we are running on empty, trying to balance family, relationships, a job or our own business and it can feel like just another thing on the seemingly never ending list of things to that we're trying to attend to..
I work with many women who speak of low libido as being of one of their health and wellbeing concerns.
Sometimes they aren't sure whether it's just normal because they're a tired, busy Mum.
Others wonder whether perhaps their hormones are declining as they move through their thirties and forties or whether their feelings about their body or appearance are feeding in to it. Some have begun to wonder whether it means that there must be something wrong with their relationship. Often there are actually number of factors at play and these will vary from woman to woman.
But it's important to recognise that low libido isn't inevitable as a Mum or as a woman in your late thirties or forties and when you are experiencing it, it's important to take a holistic approach in both looking at why it's happening and how you can change things.
When we think of low libido, our first thought naturally might be that we have a hormonal imbalance. Many women who are considered 'peri-menopausal'-I'm not a fan of this term- more on that in another blog!- will often think that their low libido might be the first sign of declining hormones as the end of their reproductive years begins to draw closer. While hormone imbalances can certainly play a role, what I see more often than low sex hormones is the hormonal imbalance that occurs due to high stress hormones! (which does also affect your sex hormones).
This is due to the chronic stress that so many women are living with and is then exacerbated by dietary and lifestyle factors which aren't helpful to your hormones.
Often we may also begin to wonder whether our low libido is representative of disharmony in our relationship. Sometimes this is the case. Unspoken and repressed emotions and frustrations can certainly affect how you feel about your partner, your relationship and your desire to intimate with them. Women particularly tend to need to feel a sense of emotional connection, to feel that they are being listened to and valued before wanting to be physically intimate.
But one of the biggest contributing factors that I also see among women a is lack of time for themselves. Because so many women feel like they are on 'go' from the moment they wake up until they collapse exhausted in bed at night, they aren't getting any breathing space during the day and just want to be left alone to catch their breath! They're often chronically stressed, disconnected from their bodies and focused up in in their heads running through the never ending mental to-do list.
They're in survival mode, often feeling like they're almost always in fight or flight response-and there's a primal reflex in the body which shuts off reproduction when the body is under stress! This is one of the reasons why stress is such a big factor in fertility issues.
As women, we tend to spend so much time giving and caring for others that unless we consciously make time to also replenish ourselves we can end up feeling depleted with nothing left to give.
What restores or replenishes each one of us can vary. For me, time spent alone is the thing that makes the biggest difference and as a Mum, particularly when children are very young can be very hard to find!
There are many societal beliefs around what we can expect in relation to our health or energy levels based on our age or phase of life- but these accepted beliefs about an inevitable decline in health and vitality as we move through life often aren't accurate or helpful. Its a bit like the widespread belief that period problems such as debilitating pain and mood swings are just a 'normal part of being a woman' when they're actually a sign of imbalance.
So low libido and feeling tired all of the time aren't 'just part of motherhood'. Unfortunately it is incredibly common for Mums to feel tired and for libido to be low but there are ways to bring things back in to balance so that you can enjoy a greater sense of vitality!
There are many wonderful natural ways to support your libido, but rather than just treating the symptoms and buying the latest 'Horny Goat Weed' formula (yes it is a real herb!- but alone, it's not likely to make a big difference) from the health shop or pharmacy, to really see a change in your overall health health and vitality and therefore also your libido, it's important to look holistically at what is going on.
In a Naturopathic and Holistic Coaching consultation, that would include looking at your overall health, your stress levels, your digestion and your diet, your hormones, thyroid and adrenal health and looking for signs of nutrient deficiencies. We would also consider your overall sense of life balance and how imbalance there could be affecting things.
Low libido isn't inevitable as a Mum or as a woman in your late 30s or 40s but if you are experiencing it, it's important to take a holistic approach in both looking at why it's happening and how you may be being called to change things.
For some women there is an underlying physical issue such as a hormonal imbalance or an under active thyroid and for others low libido can be your body's way of letting you know that you're not giving yourself enough of what you need to restore your energy and your vitality..
What restores or replenishes you? What really lights you up, bringing you a sense of joy, passion, purpose or vitality? Do more of these things! We often overlook the importance of doing the things which light us up, but from a holistic perspective, they're just as important for your overall health and wellbeing as a healthy diet and exercise!
Low libido and always tired? Have a look at my 6 session package to help you get your bounce back! https://blossomwellbeing.com.au/im-so-tired/
